Kind of funny - 5 friends from church approached me and told me they are now following my blog - I should have expected that, but it almost feels like added pressure (lol). What did I expect when I announced publicly on Facebook that I was returning to the blog-osphere? Not really sure, to be honest, but here I am.
Like I've said before, this is the umpteenth time that I've tried to blog. I've realized that what stopped my blogging before was my inability to be honest with anyone reading and ultimately, myself. I feared that if I was too personal, it would be... well, too personal... and OMG what if I ended up offending someone whom I didn't think read my blog, but did? Should I apologize? Should I only blog "hypothetical" situations that actually did happen? Or those blog posts that are passive aggressively vague? What if, what if, what if... so I blogged about chipper things. Actual things, but kept it strictly chipper. And boring. And I couldn't do it anymore. Ultimately, it wasn't about "the little one letting me"... I just couldn't bore myself any longer with trying to be the chipper-blogger-mom that I clearly am not (no offense to any chipper-blogger-moms out there). I'm terrible with uploading pictures (unless they're selfies - I admit I like my good hair days, okay? & of Amelia HAHA), have some issues with follow-through (duh), sometimes ramble, etc. so I figured, what's the point?
And now, I just want to be honest. Even if it feels like I'm walking around completely exposed at times (I won't, let me just promise you that right now) I do owe it to myself in that regard. I do admit that in trying to be more honest on this blog makes me feel a little embarrassed with my friends whom I'll see in person after a post, LOL, but again, what did I expect?
A couple friends told me today that they could identify with my previous post, and I'm really glad. I was reminded that regardless of how crazily alone I feel at times, we're connected in some way, shape, or form and what I struggle with isn't anything new. And ultimately, that I'll come out of whatever funk I get into because ultimately, there's Someone who is bigger than that funk. Sometimes we even come out the other side somehow stronger and wiser and we don't even realize we've already made it and have no idea how we got through, but we did.
Personally, I struggle with depression and perfectionism on a daily basis. I think it's important to remember daily where we stand in Christ. Jesus already paid for our mistakes and shortcomings on the cross, but we tend to be in the mindset of instant gratification. He did it, so it's done, and I fail every day, that's just how it is. But that's not true. Sanctification from God was not just one time, it's an ongoing process.
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